New Office

Lately i realize that i am a person without a clear direction. Don't know what i wanna do, not sure where i am heading to. Time passes so fast and it's already May..2 months after i changed a new job. well, so far so good but.. i really don't know how long it can last. It's like i am just having a job to fill up my free time. So once i am bored with it, what am i gonna do? hahaha i really can't figure it out..when i really wanna think about it and suddenly i realise age does catch up..i am no more 18 years old or 19 years old teenage girl..

Anyway back to the story, i changed my job, went to a new office but there is a rumour here.. There are 18th floor in this building. As usual the 1st 3 floors are parking lot and then ground floor till 3rd floors are shop lots after that 4th floor onward are offices. My first week of working days, very often i go back alone at night due to OT. and i was all alone... my office was situated on the 12th floor so i will need to go down to the ground floor entrance and wait for my transport.

That night i was all alone again. It was late and as usual i still have lots of pending jobs therefore i stay for OT. i went home around 9pm and i took the lift alone. I press the 'G' button and i was all alone in the lift. Wait, wait and wait..it felt so slow.. 10 seconds passed and the lift still havent reach the G floor. Suddenly it stop! The lift door opened but none outside. I look around. It was kinda dark outside. The light is not bright enough and the sign infront of me shows '4'..so this is 4th floor? I look around again. wondering there might be someone who wanted to get into the lift. Nobody there and it was quiet, very quiet...

I pressed the 'door close' button since there was nobody outside. The door closed. After a second, it opened again. Thinking that it might be technical problem with the lift, i press the close button again. The door closed...but within a few seconds, it opened up again! Getting a little bit frustrated, I keep on pressing the button and the door finally closed. I get to the ground floor safely and went home.

The next morning i came to the office as usual. I told my colleagues about the problems with the lift and there might be someone playing with the lift button. They said it is impossible. Cuz there was no offices in the 4th floor and no people dare to rent the offices in 4th floor either..Some kinda accident happened in the 4th floor years ago and they said someone lost his life there...After that inccident, the lift still stop at the 4th floor once in a while. Everytime it stopped, i dare not to look in the front. I will just keep my head low and press the close door button..I definetely hope it won't stop at the 4th floor ever again.............

26th February the 100th days...

Today is the 100th days after my grandma passed away.. Time flies really fast.. the 26th last month was my birthday and of cuz I did not get to celebrate my birthday this year... I mean, what's the point of celebrating? Grandma is not here with me this year.. 100th days means it's time to let go. It's time to stop thinking. Memories are always beautiful...

100th days means the time to say goodbye..

and 1 more time I am gonna say this..

Goodbye Ahma.. May you rest in peace..

Facing the 4 Walls

The same thing for almost a month time now.. Wake up, breakfast, doing nothing till evening, dinner and sleep.. Sometimes I wonder what am I really doing? I know what I want and yet I felt like I am lack of something... I don't know why.. I felt like I am interested in everything and at the same time, felt nothing for everything. Probably I am just not working hard enough for myself...

I read books every night inside my room and sometimes I wonder, is this all life's about? I guess not but what should I do to make my life more interesting? There was a night when i felt really, really lost. I started to feel depressed and wanted to cry. I don't know what am I doing and i felt as if I am going mad any time soon. Probably is because of the 4 walls within my room. Empty.

I Need Courage!!

I feel very light hearted today,
The burden inside my heart seems to be far away,
The sky is bright and the dark cloud's gone,
The bird is chirping, singing a lovely song.

I fastened my seatbelt, eyes open wide,
I know I am ready for a dangerous ride,
Whatever will be, will be,
I am not worry, I don't feel fright.

I realize that I am my own driver,
Which path to follow? I am the decision maker,
Life's a journey, a challenging one,
It will never be something simple and easily done,

I felt disturbance, anxiety within my emotion,
I am tantalized and fear my own incompetent,
Why should I worry? I asked myself,
For I am not an extraordinary intellect child.

It's alright to feel tremble,
Because I am still an ordinary people,
But I know I am not a lonely rider,
Because I have a very supportive mother...

Last by not least,
Once again I would like to say this,
Yesterday's a past, tomorrow's future,
Today's a present, a gift to treasure!


-mom i really love u a lot :D wish u health and happiness...be pretty always hehehe...u are my courage, mom-

It's a brand new day!

I am not sure what happened to me yesterday but I have been thinking a lot lately.. I quited a local forum that I have joined for 2 years now and my heart suddenly felt very light. It was really weird. I have been thinking a lot but for some reason, I don't really know what actually bothered me. I felt very light now and I am not sure what I have left. hahaha.. I guess this is life. Things come and things go....
Things are going on track at the moment. Family, career and relationship. January 2009 marked a changes in my life. I suddenly felt that I actually grew up a lot during the year. Although I have always wish to remain as a kid but i realize there are things in life that we eventually have to face.
I know I definitely will be a better me in this new year. Because I have a dream...
Grandma left us in the year of 2008 and I saw the ugly faces of relatives when come to money matters. Human can be ugly because of money... But it really doesn't matter. As long as my family is here with me, I will work hard for everything... Work hard and earn a better life for them as well as for myself. The world is still beautiful.. :)

A letter for Grandma...

Dear Grandma,

Today is your birthday...your 78th birthday if you are still here...
I hope you will rest in peace..Although I cannot celebrate your birthday anymore but I will always remember this day..

Happy Birthday Ahma.. We will always remember you..

Rest in peace...

Arabian Night by SilverCelticMoon

SilverCelticMoon is her pen name. She is one of my favorite poet. The poems she wrote always attract my attention and it will make me read and read again without getting bored. Sometimes I really wonder why I can read the same poem over and over again and yet still feel the power delivered by the poem. Here I would like to share with everyone one of her masterpiece, Arabian Night. Do visit her site if you like her poem too :) Click on the title link to get directed to her site.

Arabian Night

She dances sinuously in the sands of the Jinn.
A beauty with a history of ensnaring helpless men.
She has a passionate nature that she wants to hide
from the Sultan she wants to despise and deride.

Shapely and curvaceous, she stands before him now.
She wears nothing, but a wispy scarf on her brow.
She stands erect, displaying her many charms.
Smiling at him invitingly, she holds out her arms.

He is tall, strong and no slave to fear.
He laughs, is amused, as he draws her near.
She leans against his hard muscled chest
and strokes downwards at his erotic behest.

Her stroking fingers fill them both with desire.
Soon on soft pillows, they burn with love's fire.
He sips passionately on each of her erect nipples.
Her cries of desire...into the night ripples.

He follows down the trail of her molten desire
and fans the flames of her passion much higher.
The tent’s heady incense helps to enflame the heat.
He gives her a climax so mind-blowingly complete.

He smiles as he holds her fast in his strong arms.
He's aware of what she planned, using her charms.
The seductress was the seduced this Arabian night
and they both found love in the steamy moonlight.